The 8th Smokeless Cole Treasure Hunt

Yes, it is that time of year again - where hashers everywhere look forward to galavanting around the streets of Hong Kong (and maybe Kowloon) wearing silly hats and sliding steadily into a state of alcohol induced euphoria. Thursday 10th December, 18:30 - be there!!

The Aftermath Of 25 Years Of Hashing In China....

After a vastly successful tour (barring a neckie or ten from Hopeless), photographic evidence has finally emerged....

Remember The Guinness Pub Crawl, Oops, I Mean Run?

Chances are that you don't - even if you were there - so as a public service the photos of the evening have been published for your perusal....

Is Haggis Going For The Record Of Most Theme Runs In One Year??

Coming Soon To A Drug Filled Haze Near You

Best Weekend Ever - Despite The Date Rape

Despite, or rather because of, the Kai Tak Convention your Webmaster feels compelled to let you know about the recent clique mini tour to Shekou - which of course is located in the glorious motherland (stop saluting!). With the Early Birds departing on Friday evening, the backmarkers who arrived on Saturday afternoon had already missed half the fun (and all the pizza) by the time that they arrived. In fact they missed more than just the pizza as they also missed Mr Sniffer's 6th attempt at his 40th (maybe he will remember it this year - unlikely methinks) plus one of the most despicable events to ever sully Chinese soil (even more despicable than Camel running out on his bill).

One of our younger members (well, he is small enough to be a child) thought that he had struck gold when he found not one, but two females who were actually willing to talk to him (though shame it wasn't in English...). With his eyes all a-glitter he bought Bacardi Breezer futures like his getting a shag depended on it (which, of course, it did!). However, our cool customer was so busy congratulating himself on his good luck in finding two bonnie lasses, and in China where his shekels went twice as far, that he failed to notice the Roofies which the two sirens had slipped into his 80/- while he was distracted by the flashing lights and thoughts of whether those 32AAA's were all padding or not.

Thus is was that the next morning our little friend awoke (at lunchtime) in his own bed, with not so much of the whiff of a wench, and with a thumping headache. Worst of all though, was that his sporran was completely empty and the entire 20 kwai which he had withdrawn from the bank the previous evening had completely gone!

Adding insult to injury, his Roofie induced daze cleared a little allowing him to recall how his evening had ended with not one, but two, 100yd car jackings in the company of harlots that could no longer walk (but somehow could drive - I guess it is easier as you are sitting down) and in both instances he had been rudely ejected onto the street once each praying mantis had had their wicked way with him.

If only he could remember what that wickedness was, or which way it went.

Being too ashamed, and feeling too dirty (no time for a shower, as it was already lunchtime), to report his dastardly undoing to the 警察 our poor (literally) abused (literally) midget made for the Snakepit - where of course all his friends comforted and consoled him with kind words such as "FOYC", and "Sounds like, sounds like, sounds like bullshit to me, to me!".

While distressing, this seedy tale of woe is passed on as a warning to others - beware the Sirens Of Shekou, or you too could become the innocent victim to their carnal desires and be date raped to within a kwai of your life.

Charity Whip Round

As you may know, the hash is a charity. In the spirit of our founding I would thus like to request that you all put your hands in your pockets and see if we can't help one of our members who has fallen on hard times. This unfortunate hasher, let's call him Nice Prancer, was recently parted from his life savings of some RMB 20. As this amassed wealth was all that lie between our victim and a lonely destitute death, can you find it in your hearts to donate a Jiao or two to this worthy cause (cos then he wont need to scab drinks off of us any more)? All donations gratefully received..

IOU

Does anyone have a spare $2700?? Seems that one of our members has been left with a bar tab he cannot pay? I would say more, but Kai Tak Rules prevent it....

First F*ck Up

Seems that the almighty incoming HM can't even recall all the comrades in his 'gang of four'. Hash Thrash has been resurrected from the flames left by such illustrious predecessors as Pavasnotti, Robocock and Cabbage in the form of the new & improved Coco. Not sure what Hash Thrash is/does?? Ask one of the Coffin Dodgers for a history lesson. Oh, and watch out for the Klackers....

This Is Your Captain Speaking

Having missed out on the delights of a damp ramble over Cheung Chau and the subsequent damp squib ramblings of his ex-Pussiness it was with some amusement (only some, mind) that I received the following from our beloved Hash Alcoholic, Spew. Seems we could be in for another Nutcracker-esque year of circles delayed until the HM is suitably flying - followed by 3 hours of hard and fast (but extremely amusing - so in Spews case, maybe not...) DDs. Like they said about the 60s (ask Pussy, Ice or Marrafat if you don't believe me) - if you remember Nut's circles, you weren't there......

<For Immediate Release>
Within minutes of ascending to power in a popular uprising, Irish Spew, the New Hashmaster has declared a Republic.
After 12 years of kow-towing to an old German Slapper living in a big house in England with her imbecile Greek husband, Irish Spew has rebuked the Royal Charter, and proclaimed the Republic of Southside Hash House Harriers (RS2H3).

The Republican Administration consists of

Comrade Irish Spew (Hashmaster)
Vice-Comrade Master Wanker (Vice Master)
Lieutenant-Comrade Inflate-a-Date (Religious Advisor)
Comrade-Erect Smallbone (Hash Cash)
Comrade A Half Dozen Eggs and a Box of Tampons (Hash Stash)
Comrade Mr Whippy (Webmaster)
Comrade Hopeless (Hare Raiser and Scribe nominator)
Rear-Comrades Emma Royde and Dribble Dick (Tour Masters)

Long Live the Republic.

Agence France Presse

The King is dead, long live Comrade Irish Spew: