ROYAL SOUTH SIDE

HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

RUN 1515, 29 MAY 2003

Guildford Road

Hare: Smegma ( just another word for dick-cheese!)

"The following is a true record of events as narrated by Gentlemen of the Hash."

  STOP THE PRESSES !!!!  Smegma sets a decent run !!!!

  Well, that's two down, only 50 more to go (and counting!)  Another Smegma Guildford Road special!  Holy Christ, what was I doing here?  Apparently several others were asking themselves the same question as a sizeable pack assembled in the usual spot.  It was a surprisingly large turnout given Smegma's past performances here.  Excellent weather was again provided by the Pope. (Can you reduce the humidity a bit for next week please? - Ed.)

  After waiting what seemed like an eternity for Weeble to turn up after his amah failed to pack his running shoes,  (Running,? Weeble?), we got tired of waiting for the wobbly bastard, gave up, and were off.

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming
uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser". "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

 

The Run

  For the first time in living memory we were On-On immediately after beginning the run.  A quick right turn onto Watford Road and down the usual steps had the pack on the move.  Racing down the steps after Spiderman there was considerable chatter from the pack.  Someone said something about a cold San-Miguel and Red Mullet spun around crying "WHERE?!"  His eyesight, stamina, libido and ankles not being what they once were he then cried "OH SHIT!!" and executed a flying pirouette with a double entendre and went down like a Bag of Poo.  As the Pope later pointed out: "He's lucky he didn't break a hip, he is getting on in years..".  First ET, now Red Mullet, they're dropping like flies.  Any excuse to miss a Smegma run!

  Speaking of missing runs, where's that little bastard Jackoff?  Anyone else notice now that he's got his 100^th run mug he can't be bothered to turn up?  Or is he afraid of the new HM?  Perhaps he's not up to the abuse.  Hmmm!

  Anyway, in a sympathy move Dogbite then managed to twist his ankle, but bravely decided to soldier on - "I'm alright Darling, I'm fine, I'm fine, etc., etc.".  Cabbage Patch and In Between Wanks sprinted the loooong way down to the reservoir and led the pack checking left and right at the bottom.  Turns out it was straight across the dam and then a leftie `round the pond.  The Ladies Hash had once again run there just two evening's before (didn't we have this problem last time?).  Remnants of their markings were seen throughout the run.  Hash Rocket Scientist - Perfumed Poofter was typically  confused - "What's this Noo Noo shite?"  It's "ON-ON" PP.  We're running their trail backwards!

  The usual beautiful woodland trails led us back to the loooong slog up the steps.  Squeak the Mouse was seen having a leisurely stroll homeward.  Cockney thug Reggie was whingeing about his calves on the climb.  Or maybe it was his arse since he has recently taken delivery of a giant family size jar of Vaseline. Provided by his pillow biting flat-mate Ronnie.  Rule 6!  We finally reached the top and it was a refreshing sprint home down Guildford Road.  Back as promised in just over an hour.  No f*cked up checks, no mysterious markings, no irate pack.  What's going on?!  Who really set that run?

The Circle

 On to more mundane things Smegma calls early circle.

Squeak - Hard of hearing, thinks he's called last week.

Tinks     - Setting best run so far

Spiderman - Out on the town for three months.

PP - First enjoyable run.

Anus - Returnee

Pugak - Returnee

Pope - Good weather.

Pope takes over.

Cabbage -No body hair

Spiderman - Pushing all black to far with black running socks.

Weeble, Anus, Small bone, Squeak and U'C*nt  - No hash gear.

Mullet - Crash, lucky at his age didn't break hip.

Anus - Playing hockey not hashing.

Fat man Wanks - Is he thin? Is he fat? In between wanks.

Whippy - Stating that this years notes better than last years (here, here Ed.).

Small Bone- Needs hard paper.

Small Bone takes over

Reggie - moaning that at 42 the pain never goes away.

PP -  Not calling, offers Small Bone golden shower whilst pissing.

Smegma - Not same animal, good circle without trying.

Smegma again.

Small Bone - Wrong meeting (reported to serious crime squad)

Whippy - Accuses HM of stupidity. Asks, "who's Pookat"?

PP - Ignorance (what's new there then Ed.)

Dogbite - Next weeks run.

Anus - Money in all pockets.

Mullet - Looking in wrong bag, finding money in all pockets.

Tinks - Previous hash cash leaves us penniless.( didn't U What buy a bought? Ed.)

Pugak takes over.

Weeble - Coming before his amah.

U Cant - Refusing to run.

Mullet - Acting in order not run

Smegma again.

Reggie - Asks Ronnie to bring to bring big tub of Vaseline (poofta Qs asked ED).

Fat man wanks - Refuses something.

Whippy - Insurrection.

Mullet - Mumbling

PP, U Cant - Copying Mullet.

At this point everybody was mumbling so, ON ON for a curry.

Smegma starts to make changes.

Hot news for all to digest. SMEGMA (HM) makes changes. In an early attempt to change the balance of power within the committee, HM tries to purge ET. This scribe received closet news that HM commissioned a Hit woman (HW) to remove ET by cunningly wetting the floor of HM's lobby. Our aged dilettante was not fooled; quick as a flash he threw himself in the air and landed with cat like grace in the mess cleverly fracturing only two ribs. Recognising the HW, ET screamed out her name "SUE, SUE". This gained very little attention and in the ensuing melee the HW managed to escape.

Further news just in. In a provocative move HM has thrust up the weekly run fee by a colossal ten dollars. Also in a move aimed to alienate the public has promised to charge them eighty dollars after five appearances. On receiving the news Ice Dancer (ID) has threatened litigation. In a further more shocking vein VD has sent a Papua New Guinea long distance runner with a message "F**K THAT'. A pleasure t hear from VD again.

Receding Hareline:

1516	05-Jun-03	In Between Wanks/Saddle	YY Mansions
1517	12-Jun-03	Camel	Chai Wan MTR
1518	19-Jun-03	Dangerman	Lamma: Ferry Pier
1519	26-Jun-03	Coco/U C*n't
1520	03-Jul-03	You Watt/Moose	Canada Day
1521	10-Jul-03	Squeak/Dingaling	Sha Tin KCR

No-Brainer:

  Apparently at the recent committee meeting it was addressed that the pack has complained that they would prefer hard copies of the notes for bog-reading material.  In the 21^st century spirit of work smarter - not harder your trusty scribes have the following solution:

Upon opening this e-mail do not read these notes,

Oh,

Shit.

  Well, ahem, next week if you'd like a hard copy don't read the notes.  Hit the little icon that looks like a printer at the top of your screen.  Print them out and Voila!  You have a hard copy for the shitter.  Enjoy!

On-On,  Pugak & Small Bone