ROYAL SOUTH SIDE

HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
RUN 1521, 3 July 2003
Pre Yank Independence Day Run
HK Parkview BBQ Pits
Hares: Leek on Ewe

"The following is a true record of events as narrated by Gentlemen of the Hash."...

Note: Due to work commitments and the fact that Pugak is busy shagging his brains out in Thailand, this week's Run & Circle write-ups were ably handled by our illustrious Spiderman....

8 down, 44 to go. This week's run was the pre American Independence Day Run set by none other than one of our own Yanks - Leek on Yew. It was to be an "A to A", Then it was possibly going to be an "A to B". But it finally ended up being an "A to A +", whatever that is. Leek on Yew, being the semi-intellectual c*nt that he, is apparently thought this would be a good idea. (I mean who reads Ayn Rand "just for fun"? I had to read that crap in school and I think I'd prefer to have my fingernails removed with pliers than suffer through that drivel again - Ed.) So, the hash began at the Parkview BBQ pits and ended at the HK Cricket Club, just down the hill. The crowd had obviously gotten wind of the fact that Smegma was back, so the turnout was expectedly small. On-On to the run.

Leek on Yew's Favourite Hunting Dog
From his Childhood...

The Run

Leak On You's 3 July Run.

...Ominous beginnings, as the pack wandered into the mosquito infested environs of the BBQ pits at Parkview. Ominous because Our Glorious Leader Smegma......, in the manner of his North Korean protege, had suddenly decreed that the A-A run set by LOY...... would now be "an A to A plus" run, finishing outside the Hong Kong Cricket Club down the Road. Bad news for those such as Red Mullet and E.T. who had just inserted the family fortune into their Parkview parking ...meters.

Doubly ominous as we saw the first markings laid by LOY at the BBQ pits. Reminiscent of aboriginal cave drawings, it was clear that this virgin hare was not the proud owner of the classic pink & black RS2H3 vest with the hash markings on the front. Muttered excuses were made about making the markings up as he went (ED.- I blame the hare raiser totally for the resulting...debacle). First check with most of the pack opting to run up a hill path. Bad choice as the real trail was off down Tai Tam Reservoir Road. Icedancer......, Caligula...... and a rejuvenated Whippy led the pack down the road, ignoring any temptations to stray off trail at various checks dotted down the road. Down to the reservoir where LOY had cunningly drawn arrows in every direction at a three line (??) check - except for the correct path. Caligula was not fooled (or missed seeing the arrows) and sprinted off down the contour trail....

...This was a trap for young hares, as this contour trail is damned near impossible to get off with very few optional trails joining it. So the long slog began, across four boxes of my best map of Tai Tam. Fat Man Wanks, Ice Dancer and Spiderman raced past Caligula and went on to finally reach the junction of Tsz Lo Lan Shan Path and Section 1 of The Wilson Trail over Violet Hill.

Tempting choice here - to longcut around the (relatively flat) contour of Violet Hill or to take the (marginally shorter) trail up over. Most stuck to the proper trail, however miscreants like Whippy and Red Mullet later confessed under severe torture to having "gone to the Dark Side" and longcutted. More steps than you could shake a stick at, and by now the light was going. Suffering from altitude sickness Spiderman fell behind as Fat Man Wanks and Icedancer disappeared above the snow line. Finally at the top, quick look at the lights of Parkview, then all eyes down watching the broken trail that lead eventually back to TTR Road. Down the road on the "plus" section to the HKCC.

The pack all came in in remarkably good time considering the length of the run, with the front runners in just on the hour.

Those deserving of notable mention:
Reggie & Ronnie - failed to get lost this time - must have a new compass.
Squeak - for cramping up outside Parkview in some pathetic attempt to have several amahs massage his legs for him (Camel has a better technique to ensure success at this pass time,
Squeak - try carrying your wallet next time)
Smallbone - for cunningly pleading work commitments so that he could cry off the run.

Intimacy Test for Southsiders

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss the RUGBY on Star Sports.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An starter is to main course.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

8. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

The Circle

Smeg's calls the pack to order.

...Returnee, Ice Dancer is suitably greased as Amah.
Leak on Yew - lost Squeak.
Coco - showing far too much concern for his missing "buddy" Squeak..........

What's the definition of a "Buddy"?
He's a guy who'll go to town, get two Blowjobs and then come back and give you one.

Red Mullet & ET - questioning the HM's decision to make the run an "A to A+".
Spiderman - "voluntary" scribe.
Coco - explaining the difference between U Cant and U C*nt.
Reg & Ronnie - teasing someone last week.
Whippy - for correcting the HM. (he'll never learn...)
Time to grease Ice Dancer.
Red Mullet - something about a Blue Whale's massive schlong.
Dribble - check out his massive schlong !
U Wot? - going to pot on Tuesday.
Camel - Nose Vibrator's latest shagging victim ??
Mr.Whippy - got a new scanner (so far only used for pics of his genitals - Ed.)
Weeble - obscene hash photos (probably of Whippy's genitals - Ed.).
Ice Dancer - returnee.
Leak on Yew - for the crap run he'd just laid (Bag of Poo - Ed).
Caligula - still doesn't know how much stash we have.
Leak on Yew - pre-Independence Day beer.
ET - then proceeding to bore the pack to tears talking about beer.
Fat Man Wanks - whingeing about the boring circle.
Anus - Shag of the Week award.
Dogbite - apparently he can't sleep when it rattles (?)
Ice gets greased.

...Awards
Weeble...... - Dick of the Week, due to his "Baggage" he picked up at Bangkok airport...
Leak on You...... - losing Squeak.......
Red Mullet...... - feels he should assist Weeble...... by explaining the "Baggage" story in detail.
Coco awards Neckie of the Week to Smegma for his neck revealing haircut.
Squeak - has one for staggering in.
Coco - not listening as usual. Dogbite...... - explains next weeks run with no stammering, stuttering, etc...
Smallbone - arrives just as circle is closed.
Ice Dancer - de-greased.
Circle closed, time for Fish & Chips....

Breaking News

No Breaking News this week as our roving reporter is "On Assignment" i.e.: Currently too busy having a shag in Bangkok to be bothered to write anything.

Receding Hareline:

1521	03-Jul-03	Leak on Yew	Parkview BBQ Pits
1522	10-Jul-03	Squeak/Dingaling	Sha Tin KCR (7:00pm start)
1523	17-Jul-03	Mr. Whippy	Lam Tin
1524	24-Jul-03	Open	Contact Cabbage
1525	31-Jul-03	Open	Contact Cabbage
1526	07-Aug-03	Small Bone	Mei Foo MTR - "A" to "B"
1527	14-Aug-03	Jack Off John	??
1528	21-Aug-03	E.T.	Po Lam MTR
1529	28-Aug-03	Hugh What?	Sai Kung Country Park
1530	04-Sep-03	The Pope	Kai Tak Carpark (top floor)
1531	11-Sep-03	Open	Contact Cabbage

Upcoming Tours:

RS2H3 Phuket Tour

Dates: Depart HK Wed 10 Sept pm. Return Sun 14 Sept. Attendees will require 1.5 or 2 days leave depending on flight times (to be confirmed).

Approx Cost: HK$3000 max for flight and hotel depending whether direct charter is available and a min group of 10 hashers traveling.

Are you on?

Please contact ET directly ASAP to confirm attendance.

Balloon's "Swivel Class" AC B-Day Mini Tour

Balloon's 40th birthday will be a bash in AC which will include Golf, Birthday dinner and Hash run. Flight cost $1400 +$153 tax leaving HK on PAL 9pm Friday, 15th Aug 03 and returning to HK by 8pm on Monday 17th Aug 03. Tour cost of $3200 confirmed. Requires one day leave although those that have leave problems could come back a day earlier on Sunday 17th. Cost will be about $3200 all in to include flights, transport, accommodation and refreshments. Golf and other recreations extra. Prices will be firmed up by next week.

Interested parties please contact ET or Smegs ASAP.

Disclaimer

Watch this space for an exciting new contest. Coming Soon:

"Let's See Who Can Stack The Most Crap on Hugh What? When He's Passed Out !!"

On-On,

Pugak & Small Bone