Royal Southside Hash Trash © Run 1638

Run No:	1638
Date:	9 June, 2005
Location:	Tai Po Market
Hares:	Ding a Ling (with some late assistance from a Eunuch)

Hareline:

GASP © statistic update - Last weeks forecast regarding water themes has proven to be 100% accurate.

The Pre-Run:

The members must not have been overly enthused about the long KCR ride out to Tai Po (Poo?) Market, nor did the miserable weather at hand do much to inspire those that did make the journey. Still, one must take a moment to ponder where all our normally non-island whinging members including ET and Cabbage (Squeak and You What we know, you escaped off to other parts of the world – but no excuse) were since they oft complain about the seemingly lack of off-island runs. But, not to digress…

This week’s hare, Dingaling, who graces our presence perhaps once or twice per year as a guest hare, was in his local element. And, the promise of the arrival of other members of his lesser hash (Northern New Territories), the pressure was certainly on him to set a great run for the this remarkably athletic pack.

Unfortunately, not being fully versed in the full nuances of the Southside, Dingaling made his first mistake by using close headed arrows to the start. This surely confused some lesser member minds. Second, he forgot to speak to the RA, so the rain was spitting down - and had undoubtedly made setting the run so much fun earlier in the day…..

Dingaling's last, and most serious mistake, was in establishing home in a location without any significant cover. This was to haunt him later… “But all will be revealed”.

The Run:

At 16:50, in occasional spitting rain, and after an explanation of markings, Dingaling sets the mixed pack of Southsider’s and NNT back in the general direction of the KCR station. For the Southside, Saddle and Smallbone were pushing it as the pack dashed into the early stage. But it was the NNT that took soon after took charge, led by GSpot, the GM for most of the run. Coco, despite lots of initial company, spent most of the run as a lonesome runner.

Meanwhile, Jack Off and Eunuch arrived late at the start, and were requested by the hare to help set the on home markings for the pack. Dingaling's directions are a bit confusing, but after some mucking about in the tunnels under the KCR station, a check was found in the general area described by the hare. Eunuch decided to head off along the river to find where the trail was supposed to connect from, leaving Jack Off standing about wondering what to do next until Eunuch was supposed to come back. Right…

About this time, along comes another batch of later comers including Spit or Swallow, Smegma and Mr. Floppy. Eunuch, having been gone for sometime now is presumed to have f*cked off, so Jack Off joins this small group who then proceeds across the river bridge and towards the Tai Pau Kau mountain. A check at the road intersection immediately across from the bridge finds the trail heading right with a long concrete slog up the road, broken only by a cross over to stay on the sidewalk.

At the end of the road, a previously visited housing estate is found where the trail leads under a barrier guide and winds along into the darkening mists behind the estate. Another check is found, with the On On shortly ahead and to the right, following some recently built slippery designer steps leading uphill on a newly established country park trail. This trail proceeded without variation, with only calls of “FROG”, until a massive 3-way check is found close to a service road some distance later.

Much foundering about occurred here. The second small pack, less Spit or Swallow whom has fallen behind, checked out hither and yon, with no success. Lo and behold a back walking trail is finally found that, not surprisingly, heads further uphill. As the swirling mists and now rain increase, it becomes apparent that aside from Smegma, all are having difficulty seeing, especially Mr. Floppy who hasn’t come prepared with a flashlight (who would need one in the dark?).

Jack Off gallantly (but stupidly) stays back with Mr. Floppy to guide him along as the trail turns into 100% shiggy and muddy, rocky, slippery shiggy (Leak On U and Cabbage favorite). And, now that the rest of the pack has passed along, the trail has become increasingly more treacherous as it proceeds. Finally, leading downhill, the trail has some nice views that could not be seen, but were fortunately replaced all with much more welcome bog paper ornaments- plus myriads of opportunities to slip – the latter of which Mr. Floppy did several times.

Blasting downhill into the trees, Smegma and Spit or Swallow could be heard fading into the distance. A rope luge trail had to be navigated at this point – At this point, not of his own accord, Mr. Floppy leaves Jack Off behind by doing most of the luge on his behind. This section was fine when Smallbone flew downhill much earlier... At the bottom of the slope there was a massive concrete chasm just before a hilltop fence line that nearly captured a number of the pack. A dance across the abyss and another check nearby caused some additional stumbling about in the mist, but finally the original service road down towards the housing estate was found to the left.

A long downhill slog home followed for those that didn’t want to do any further wandering about. Saddle was reported easily breezing in in about an hour. Eunuch, having short-cut all along the run, finished respectably; and late starting Jack Off arrived dead last…. again …at 1:30.

Fortunately, early sparse markings in the open areas were saved by excellent shiggy markings thru most of the rough sections. An interesting run Dingaling, and a classic NNT…. See ya next year if not earlier!

The Post Run:

The ever increasing rain starts to rattle the assembled pack and after a swift reckie, the Hashmaster, Smallbone, opts to adjourn to a covered area that adjoins a homeless shelter (aka Doss) and local karaoke bar, both of which Eunuch seems to know quite well … “ya, I was dating this English bird once and….” The local boys clear away the yammering old woman chasing Lok Sup Gau (older women seem to have a thing for him…) and all prepare for the circle.

The Circle:

Promptly at 21:16 Kiwi calls the circle to order, much to the discomfort of all whom had been lounging in the plastic lawn chairs across from the “tent”.

After huddling up under the tent, Amah for the evening is selected as Mr. Farty Pants who was supposed to be at a Stag Party.

The Hash Master, Smallbone, instructs the Amah, who instantly demonstrates that he is useless by ignoring all instructions.

Awards:

See Below !

Smegma awards Go West a down down for yellow stains and Kiwi Sausage …. For something

Circle Announcements

Kiwi - Next week's run is Lamma Island from Aberdeen. May include entertainment (You have been warned)

Dingaling – On On next door for cheap Chinese

Sports Section:

Continuing the TRIAL basis, this week’s Southside Sports section might well as be Haggis certified and approved – no bad things here.

For a tasteful selection of this week's sports items, Southsiders kindly see the notes supplement (Ed. unfortunately only available to the mailing list and not posted to the website....).


And continuing where last we left off….. the 101 things NOT to say while having in bed with that latest companion
72. Did you come yet too -- darling?
73. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about…
74. My last girlfriend knows a good plastic surgeon who can take care of that in no time!
75. Does tonight count as a date?
76. Ricky Lake had a show about women like you!
77. Hic! If we have to have the lights on, I need another beer please.
78. I think biting is romantic -- don't you?
79. You can cook too right?
80. When would you like to meet my parents?
81. Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like…

Link of the Week:

WARNING – If you are HAGGIS, or if there could possibly, but not likely be anyone else offended by gratuitous pictures of unclad members of the opposite sex, DO NOT OPEN the notes attachment. YOU have been warned.
http://www.teenax.com

Ali McBeal and Firehouse Lap Dancer (FLD) are enjoying an anniversary dinner together in the Wanch. Ali leans over and asks FLD, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together many years ago? We went behind this bar where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," FLD says, "I remember it well, even though it was lousy."
"OK," Ali says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.
"Oooooooh, Ali, you old devil, that sounds like a good idea since this place is a dump," FLD answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these this old-timer having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on him so there's not any trouble." So he follows them.

Being a bit pissed, they walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by Ali’s GPS to find the way. Finally they get to the back of the Wanch and make their way to the fence. FLD lifts her skirt, takes her panties down while Ali drops his trousers. FLD turns around as she hangs on to the fence, and Ali moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.

This goes on for about forty minutes! FLD is yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the pavement. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he's learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing - that old fart was going like a train- I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

Ali says, "Years ago that wasn't an electric fence." FLD then looks at Ali and says….. but it was still just as lousy.

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