Royal Southside Hash Trash - Run 1660

Hareline:

The Pre-Run:

Well for those that didn't make the effort to turn up to Smallbone's Birthday run they missed a damn good run and the cheapest ever Lei Yue Mun rooftop dinner. Tough shit if you weren't there.

OK the 10 minute walk from Yau Tong was a little understated but the honourable Hash Master had selected a very scenic spot on the LYM peninsula from which to start the run. Affording the pack marvellous view across the harbour and hot shower facilities for the squeaky clean gents that so desired after the run.

I made the mistake of arriving early and had to endure 20 minutes usual drivel from Ally McB. Who would want to be on the receiving end of one of his summing ups. An old villager joined us for a chat, Ally McB conversed with her for 10 minutes or so. He proceeded to advised me that she was looping mad which must have been as a result of all the in breeding that goes in such isolated villages as LYM. As I later passed the said mad old cow as we headed off she yelled in finest English - "Who the fuck was that boring old sheep shagger you were with just now. Would drive you crazy having to listen to that all day"

The Run:

Anyway - onto the run. A modest pack of about 10 were called to order promptly at 6.45 and SB sent us off away into the village. Kiwi set off at a lick but was soon passed by the swivel class trio of Cabbage, Pussy and Ice.

The trail went straight past the Wilson Trail turn off and as the pack careered by Tinks decided to do the obvious and check up. I held back to admire the view and stay within calling distance of Tinks and the rest of the pack. As Tinks called on up I hastily sped off, deliberately not calling ON ON as this was my only chance of getting a few yards on the rest of the pack.

An arduous climb up to the cemetery Rd where there was a check. Tinks went right so I checked up and just as I reached the falsie heard Tinks call on. Bugger - advantage over. As I passed the check the rest of the pack was arriving and we all headed off down the road towards Tinks.

A rather dubious on right had most of the pack heading back down a long dead end trail. Luckily Tinks had reached the end and did the dirty work for us. By now though, most of the pack had back tracked and were heading off on correct trail.

A few more checks had me following Pussy and Saddle down dead end trails so as I found myself at the arse end of the pack some tactical checking was looking more and more likely.

Eventually the hare headed the pack up into the graves and onto the ridge. Emmaroids crashed into a tree and 50 yards later as he stumbled into a ditch realised that the reason he was having difficultly seeing was because his glasses had fallen off. The good samaratan pair of Kiwi and Ally McB offered assistance in finding them – Kiwi obviously looking for excuses to explain his rear end placing in the pack to the HM and Ally McB just wanted somebody to talk to.

Cabbage was calling way off in the distance which helped avoid a severe check back on the upper path. A 2 way check then gave me a real dilema. Up over the top of Devil's Peak or carry on round and meet up on the other side. No brainer really.

Having busted the falsie I could hear Cabs and Pussy higher up struggling to find their way out of the fort. Eventually I met up with the trail again to find Tinks hovering over a check. Great minds think alike. After a bit of farting around Tinks found the trail through the gun emplacement and this led on down to the main road and eventually on home.

Back in 45 minutes - perfect.

The whole pack was in over the next 10 minutes - the only whinge coming from Pussy who could not find a way past the wall to wall blubber of Kiwi as he cleared a path through the village.

The Pre Circle:

Get stuck into the piss – why waste time talking......
Caligula arrives with broken thumb still sticking out like a ...... well a sore thumb really.

The Circle:

An early circle was called (hey this is more like it).

Nominees for Amah this were Kiwi and a few others – Kiwi nominates himself. A cunning plan is emerging. Kiwi greases himself and then announces that for any call of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" will result in a HM down down.

Circle Closed

A great On On a neighbouring rooftop for 100 a head. Then onto Wanchai

Nice one SB.

Awards: (Remaining in Crisis Mode)

Sports Section:

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph.

LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.

WIDEST TURD
This was excreted by a 21 stone guy, and was 4 1/2 inches for most of its 8 1/2 length. The stool has since been preserved in alcohol.

MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.

LONGEST BOGEY
The longest dried bogey trail was found under a table at a well-known public school. It was measured at 26 2/3 inches long.

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her Stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her minge

MOST CAVERNOUS FANNY
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.

ZIT POPPING
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7 ft 1 inch.

Disclaimer: There are many controversial subjects related to the newsletter. For instance, the newsletter contains comments, pictures, figures, etc about whatever the scribes feel like including. This fact does not imply we support, agree, or like them.

Any opinion expressed by anyone about a controversial subject is to be considered his/her own personal opinion, not the opinion of anyone else. The fact that some images may be used in other websites or other media should not be considered as an endorsement by the scribes for any opinion expressed nor of the images posted herein. You have been warned.