Royal Southside Hash Trash - Run 1668

Hareline:

The Pre-Run:

Generally, the scribes get mail after the notes are published, this week we received a number of comments about the upcoming run, including:

The Wanch (Bar 0)        Stone Sober

A smaller than usual Smokeless Cole pack of some 11 stalwart drinkers... Er, runners, including repeat visitor Jeff Cole from last years run, assembled happily at the start from 6 pm onwards. A substantial number of usual attendees are noted as being missing in action this week, including Pugak, ET, Squeak, Mullet, Dribble, Camel, Poptop, Whippy, Dogbite, the Pope, Coco, and Moose. Maybe they will join us later in the run...

The pack was a bit pensive, so a pre-run beer was issued to calm nerves as the usual Smokeless Cole shirts were put donned.

The Run:

At 6:35 the pack was out the door and right out to the front for a pre-run group picture by Kiwi. The pack is noticeably more animated now as the puzzle has been solved and now its just a matter of getting through the run.

The Klong (Bar 1)        Stone Sober

After the short walk from the Wanch, the pack raced through a beer and quickly moved onto solving the first quiz. McShite had considerately provided 3 clues for each location, but after only the second clue, the riddle was solved. Its only bar #1, but Jack Off fucks up the Hashmaster's shirt trying to spell the name of the next bar. Ice joins the pack.

Hopping into cabs, the pack was off to the next stop.

Balakalaka (Bar 2)        Stone Sobe

Its now 7:15, and after a tough cab ride that finds Haggis disturbed by the cab drivers inability to listen to directions, the pack strolls into a Lan Kwai Fung Russian bar staffed by Chinese. The pack is herded into a larger freezer and finds Kiwi outfitted like a Cossack and a round of lemon vodka shotters awaits all. Pictures are taken, the cold is cursed, and clues are distributed. Any chance that anyone is getting over served is eliminated by the freezing temperatures. The puzzle is quickly solved and out of the cold and Central district walks the pack.

A quick decent into the bowels of the MTR finds Cabbage, Kiwi, Cabbage and Jack Off in the lead. It seems our cheap Scotsman, Ice, has no MTR card. This slows some of the pack a bit while a ticket is purchased and thus separates the pack. Later its learned that Ice is also incapable of using an MTR ticket as he puts his ticket in the wrong slot. Hugh What perks up....

Catching the MTR, the pack changes at Admiralty and heads to TST in deepest darkest Kowloon. An unfortunate babe on the MTR mistakes the pack for tourists and offers to take pictures. Several suggestions are made to the lass, but she declines.... Locals look incredulously at the pack.

At Mody road, the pack exits the MTR and strolls to

Watering Hole Bar (Bar 3)        Stone Sober

This venerable relic is a far cry from its former self. Outside, Indian women beckon the pack to come up some apartment stairs for who knows what.... The pack is now sober and looking relieved that they have found the bar. A bottled beer of choice is provided, SOS complains, and Smallbone exits for a con-call. Another clue is provided, followed by a second clue, followed by a third. The riddle is solved and out the back door plods the tightly grouped pack.

A short walk down several back streets finds the pack at the next location.

The Mariners Club (Bar 4)        one Sober

With Spit or Swallow now whinging about too many steps, the pack heads up several flights of stairs, past the bowling alley, the chapel and a restaurant, and into the China Coast Bar. There rum and cokes await the pack. Whilst the gentlemen converse amongst themselves, Jack Off and the 13 year veteran chaplain trade stories. Shirt signing/abusing has started. Things are definitely starting to loosen up

Caligula is seen on his knees, undoubtedly praying for something – forgiveness perhaps? Ice is now worrying about run votes...

Its now 8 pm, the next riddle is provided, and Ice thinks he's solved it. 8:20 and out the door. But the live hares and pack are slowed at the MTR while Ice buys another MTR ticket for the ride. McShite uses the opportunity to try to take a picture, but is incapable of getting the flash to work. He forgets that you need to push a button to make the camera flash.... This is the same IT guy that sat on his Blackberry.

Arriving back in Central, trains are swapped and a Chai Wan heading train is caught to .... Surprise, surprise – Wanchai.

Its now 8:45. A short walk from the MTR and

The Canny Man (Bar 5)        ne Sober

This relatively new bar downstairs in the hotel across from the Klong is a quiet little Scottish oasis. Whiskey tumblers are produced and the pack settles in for a bit at this now referred to "Moose" stop. Kiwi announces to Hugh What that he has saved a breast for him. Smallbone reappears.

Not satisfied with the small shot, beers are ordered by Cabbage, Jack Off and others. Quiet and intelligent conversations are had between the gentlemen. Whilst conversing about Scottish soccer, Ice is heard remarking " I once saw John Jefferies naked in a shower" – Hugh What perks up again. Ice reports further that this is when he got his first woody.

Ice is excited about this trophy bar where he can take Chinese women and whatever else he can find. Wants to know if Kiwi uses this place?

The pack has now been lulled into a false sense of security and sobriety. Its 9:30.Things begin to go downhill from hereon.

The hares organize an unusual "hash halt" at Ebineezers so the pack can quickly get some food into themselves before slogging onwards. The kabobs are assisted by (big mistake) bottles of beer as the clueless suits standing around try to figure things what the pack is up to. This respite gives the pack a few minutes to try to sober up while having another beer.

The pack is screwed now.... And it's only now 9:55.... Where does the time fly?

The White Stag (Bar 6)        Ston

Back the way we came. The brutal pace of the run is now really taking its toll. Clues, riddles, location – no-one cares at this point. And, to add misery to the packs already sad situation, the hares produce shots of strange colored liquid. These Christmas shooters are viles of death. Its pot luck as the drinks are handed out.

Somehow it's recorded that two male bar visitors are met, one of whom is trying to understand Cambodian women. Why this is recorded is unclear at this point.

SOS appears frustrated, Jack Off has no writing on his shirt. Spit or Swallow "disrobes" or something to that effect for the Hashmaster – at least that's what the notes say. Jack Off and Kiwi make up. Hugh What tells Spit or Swallow that he's turning him around.....

The pack lingers, hoping to get a second wind. It's now 10:35.

Back up the street towards Ebineezers – we are running in circles now, a left turn, to the corner, up the stairs, and the pack arrives at

Uptown 90 Bar (Bar 7)        ton

More beers, liars poker and karokee music in this obviously Chinese bar. Things are getting out of focus quickly now. Only 15 minutes are spent in this bar before on to the next stop

A rocks throw away from Bar 7, the pack pours into

Mes Amis (Bar 8)        on

Its 10:50. An even faster supplied beer is provided to the now stupified pack. STFU is recorded as showing up ... where did he go in the first place?

The pack is starting to relax again... only one more bar to go. And then the hares deliver the icing on the cake – the final bar.

Howls of despair and glee..... Pop Top is noted as being missed by all.

Neptunes (Bar 9)        n

The hares greet the pack with a back room spread complete with mulled wine and minced pies. There are also a number of honorary gentlemen lurking about. Ice remarks that he hasn't been down here in ages...... right.

The Pre-Circle:

The hares ask Tinks if the $10K they spent doing the reckie for the run can be expensed as business development and promise to provide a detailed account in due course. Tinks only smiles.

McShite offers that he is the Cat with Hat to the girls. Ice slides up to a near-sighted short thing with large, oversize melons, but before he can go too far, its 11:20 and Kiwi calls the circle to order.

Just what the pack needs – beer.

The Circle:

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

Awards... always in crisis mode:

11:35 and fastest circle of the year closed.

On On to .... The bar and dance floor.

What a night!

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and queeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body....you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.

Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.

My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishings, making it harder to forget you.

Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you...



and this time I'll be ready ......





you...bastard mosquito.

FAMOUS QUOTATIONS.........

"Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of 64th president Jimmy Carter)

"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt



"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement."
- Mark Twain

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."
- George Burns

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
- Victor Borge

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
- Mark Twain

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
- Mark Twain

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get" a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
- Groucho Marx

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
- Jimmy Durante

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
- Jilly Cooper

"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat."
- Alex Levine

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
- Mark Twain

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."
- Ed Furgol

"Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."
- Spike Milligan

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."
- Henny Youngman

"I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position."
- Mark Twain

"Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up."
- Joe Namath

"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life."
- Herbert Henry Asquith

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
- Bob Hope

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."
- WC. Fields

"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress."
- Will Rogers

"Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you."
- Winston Churchill

"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out."
- Phyllis Diller


The ideal office.... If only it were true

"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out."
- Unknown

"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."
- Billy Crystal

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm & calling out your own name.


Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-spot & a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware & a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree & a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "oooooh" & "aaaaaaah"?
A. About 3 inches.

Q. What's the difference between purple & pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.


Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q. What is the difference between medium & rare?
A. Six inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Sports Section

Be good boys... Christmas is coming!

Link of the Week:

http://www.panty-ass.com
http://www.throatjobs.com

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