Royal Southside Hash Trash - Run 1677

Hareline:

THE HARES

Congratulations to our Hare who has wisely decided to marry his Filipina Honourary Gentleman and here are some things he will need to get used to ...

Your refrigerator will always be full but you cannot find any food that you recognize

• You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed
• The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart
• Your house isn't really on fire, but there is a very charred fish right on top of the stove burner
• You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig
• All your kids will have 4-5 middle names
• Your in-laws will take 6 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy"
• You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you "for a while" and you want to know "for a while, what??"
• You are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT'r, and you ain't got a clue what she's talking about
• Your first Christmas present is some funny looking baggy see-thru shirt made out of leftover lace doilies or a bible.
• Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call
• She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on
• Her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante
• The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget
• On any trip to the Philippines, you have 10 giant boxes that weigh 1000 kilos each and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck
• The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms -- the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff you've been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price!
• the first time she's pregnant you will have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages or green mango
• You buy a new freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM that was on sale
• Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don't need it .as long as it was a "bargain" is all that matters.
• Your daughter will gets her ears pierced when she's 24 minutes old but your sons will not be circumcised until they turn 12
• All your postage bills instantly double
• The only "white meat" she likes is You, and that's if you're lucky
• Her favorite sauce is called "patis," you call it turpentine
• She actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real sports and are more important than rugby and football
• You will be married 5 years before she explains to you that "ARAY!" doesn't mean "ooh, baby!"
• She prefers bistek to beef steak
• Her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the slip covers
• She can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that's her specialty!
• She thinks that the National Anthem is The Macarena:) lol***
• You still don't know what's the difference between manong and manok
• Other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expressive form of communication will be grunts and pssst's
• She goes to the movies just for the AC
• Her homeland has more Megamalls than islands
• Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page "bilins" list which says "suggestion only"
• Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle
• All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl
• Your in-law's first visit last 6 years
• Her friends are named Ting Ting, Bebot, Nonoy and Bantol and you are not allowed to smirk.
• Her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives
• All your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives
• She washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom
• Her favorite book (she has 3 copies) is "1001 New Recipes for Pig Parts You Were Gunna Throw Out"huh..
• She "cleans" her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet
• AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess type until you go to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she's taller than 5'1", then it's a bit easier.

The Pre-Run:

Determined to make sure no one got lost on the way to the start Co Hare Dangerman met Tinks and STFU at the ferry pier and accompanied them to the start where SOS was changing and discussing the upcoming Wales vs England rugby international with our Hare Pugak. We waited for a while but decided that the three of us would set off aware of the fact that Smegma was still enroute and that the failed usurper and pretender to the throne Ice was still not there but might make a sneak attack later. With a warning about part of the trail being on a beach the hare passed on his instructions and the trio were away.

The Run:

SOS commented that only teamwork and sticking together would get us through this one and sure enough as we solved the early village checks this worked well and we eventually found our way down to a beach and found trail going along the beach. STFU was just beginning to wonder if we were still on trail when a way off the beach was found and we found ourselves reversing back up the adjacent road after hitting a falsie and realising we had exited the beach early. Now back on trail we started to head up through some shiggy and out and up on a hill heading towards the wind turbine. SOS took the lead and eventually lost trail and wandered about a bit before STFU found trail off to the left and down into a valley/marsh area which thankfully was dried out and made an excellent trail. The group now found themselves back heading down hill and into a maze of little village streets where again teamwork prevailed and stopped us getting lost. Unfortunately SOS's desire to be 1st in meant he went silent at the last check and found his way up onto Pugak's roof helped by Tinks who had decided not to run due to saving himself for Guam!!!!. Squeak and STFU found themselves wandering the back streets for five or so minutes before spotting the Hare Pugak guiding us up to his place. Smegma who as usual was torchless eventually found his way to Dangerman's pad and was escorted in by Dangerman's honourary gentleman. A good run despite our very small numbers.

The Circle:

Awards... always in crisis mode:

Sports Section

Here is a special pupil, Yorkshire lass Adele Stephens for our Teacher Hare

Link of the Week:

Especially for our hare
http://www.schoolgirls4all.com

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